Changing our habits on how we allow ourselves to get stressed is as difficult as changing any difficult habit. It might be even more difficult to make our changes because these changes involve lifestyle - the who, how and why of how we live the way we do.

In the world that was supposed to be perfect, life is good and not much stress exists. We have some ups and downs. An occasional issue, but nothing too strenuous. As we grow up, things are getting easier and issues are short-lived. Our families are providing a great source of safety within the relationships, our careers are progressing well - we are making good money, our health is solid, nutrition is easy, sleep is deep and restful. We are happy, well organized and debt-free.

Well, it is supposed to be like that - right? Somewhere while you were growing up, you read the script called "this is what a perfect life looks like" and have been striving to create it ever since.

They say that some stress is good. That we need some stress in order to get out of the way of a speeding car or escape from a wild animal. But the kind of stress that I've read about for the research on my new book and for this series of articles is more than alarming. It is now death defying. We are very short steps away from creating a very unhealthy life, which includes personal, professional, spiritual, emotional and physical losses that not easily regained once lost.

The health experts, writers, researchers and medial personnel now agree that stress is the number one place to begin looking to see why we are becoming ill. We are not stopping with the aggravation of stress or its debilitating affects, we are now leaping right into the very scary place called burnout. Simple stress can be caught and worked with almost immediately. Burnout is not simple. It is not easy to work with and it is not a healthy place for any of us to go. Lets look as why you might want to begin to look closely at your lifestyle and behavior around how you are living - or not living.

In the beginning we had parents and family who taught us pretty much all we needed to know for the first several years of our lives. They modeled how to act, how to grow, what to do and how to do it. We learned well and took on our parent's beliefs, rules, values and behaviors for ourselves.

• Holiday customs were formed.
• Birthday celebrations created.
• Ideas of how to learn in school.
• What good or bad behavior looked like.
• Why stealing was not ok.
• How much money was enough and what money meant to them.

We learned thousands of lessons and listened to many messages of how life should be and look like.

Fast forward to your teens and then what did you think of your parents? Many of us thought our parents had graduated from "dumb" school and were truly not with it. I did. I thought my mom and dad lived in the dark ages. I was not going to be like them and did everything in my power to do the opposite of what they taught me. We all begin to learn independence and our
own thinking by being exposed to other ways of growing and occurring in the world. We begin to let our own generation and peers take over teaching us how we are going to be.

Somewhere in all of this growing and learning, we became imprinted like a new baby duck with what is right and wrong and what our expectations were for our lives.

Fast forward again and see who you brought to the workplace? Do you know who that person was or is? A combination of your teachers, parents, friends and community. Seldom in this person called you, are you encouraged to see who you are, what you want and what is important to you. Until now.

I spoke with a Director of a major corporation's internal university recently. She told me that she needed an injection of relief for her population so their stress could be relieved and so they could avoid burnout. She said that they are facing incredible deadlines, layoffs for the first time, turnover for the first time and a flat profit picture - again for the first time. She wants to help save the employee population and to positively impact the bottom line - for both the organization and the employees. She is scared for her company and her people - for the first time.

Two years ago I worried that people would be hitting their wall and feel as if they had few options in avoiding the crash. I knew the time was coming when they would run out of time and energy to fix what in the past could be fixed with both. I think the moment has arrived for time, energy, money and lifestyle to be examined very, very closely. We are at a critical juncture with very little choice but to take a deep breath and stay present to what we have created in our personal and professional lives.

My clients are from every walk of life and at each level of the professional experience. They represent a good cross section of careers, talents, incomes and life issues. People are not well. They are tired, sleep deprived, discouraged with deadlines and expectations, impotent, getting gray hair - or losing bunches of hair each day. Folks are being asked to work with less money, less time, less resources, less energy and less appreciation for what they are doing. And because people are incredibly loyal aching extreme stress and burnout at an alarming rate. The sad part of this issue is that these people think that the inability to get things done is mostly their fault. If they were better at what they do, they would do better.

It's time to take a good long look at this cycle, honestly. You can only do so much. And you know what, you are allowed that.

What is it you want? Implied in that question is "what is missing for you in your life?"
The library and bookstores are full of self-development books to help you answer these questions. It is my experience as an Executive Coach (since 1993), that most of us know what is missing in our lives. We can write the list easily. So why do we have such long lists and why have we paid attention to the "missing for us" aspects we want?

I can tell you right now what the answer is? Many of you were never ever encouraged to seek the right and mighty way to run your life in balance with your family, community and professional life expectations. You took on the cloak of superwoman or superman and then began to act out what you thought you should be doing. And since you do not - AND NEVER WILL -have every life skill perfectly learned, you strive to do it all again, and again, and again, and again.

Your mom and dad and teacher and priest and sister and wife and husband and grandmother and boss do not get to decide for you any longer what it is that you should be doing with your life, you do.

A story: I had a client who hated his employees. He had been in business for 12 years and each year it was a struggle to make ends meet. He barely got by. He had 50% turnover, little repeat business from his clients and internal issues and losses that kept him tied up in knots most of his working days. He would long to escape on his multiple vacations just to get away from the turmoil. When I began to work with him, he resisted every change, every initiative and every suggestion from the employees. It took me a long time to Coach him in such a way that he was able to see why he had 12 years of turmoil and that it was getting worse.

The answer actually turned out to be very simple. He was afraid of his employees because he thought they would find out that he was not very good at running a business. Guess what, they already had. He did not put in easily administered systems because he did not understand them. His opinion and how he had developed the business for the last 12 years was the only thing he acted on. His bias regarding his employees came from his father who never trusted his employees. He had 30 years of watching his dad do the same thing and then he repeated the same history.

When I pointed out that he was running his business the same way his dad had run his, he was quite angry with me. He said his dad was an idiot and never ran his business well. We spent several hours going through each area of his company exposing how it worked or did not work. At the end, he found out that he had replicated his dad's ineptness.

My client actually was lucky because he was also very smart. He had a great business mind, but never had the time to use it because of the turmoil. Together we constructed a new business model, which virtually removed him from working with any employees. He hired an excellent manager with good experience in his industry. His new manager was able to evaluate the systems needed, implement them, deal with the employees and work with my client to streamline the business. Profits soared and systems worked.

We continue to work on his tendencies to leap back in the middle of running the day to day business, but he is learning. He is also lucky that his health held up until he was ready to make his major life and business changes. Not all of us are so lucky.

The key to skipping excessive stress and avoiding burnout is the awareness of how you are operating in your life, what you are allowing and what skills you need to hone in order to effectively operate. We get so busy with stuff that we forget what our mind, body, and soul needs. To really simplify the potential problem of stress, you can easily find out how well you are doing by looking over the following questions:

1. How is your nutrition? Are you eating well? Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Good snacks. Enough water. Maybe a multi vitamin. Not too much coffee or sugar. If you are not fueling yourself well, your body will eventually suffer.

2. Do you get enough rest? Are you sleeping well? The statistics on sleep have varied only slightly over the past 20 years. You need a minimum of 6 - 8 hours of good, restful, deep sleep over a sustained period of time to be really well. Without rest, you will not be able to operate on all you cylinders. Most of my clients run into sleep issues occasionally because of a big proposal, upcoming deadline, change in management etc. However, if you are not sleeping well, you need to begin to do something about it. Meditation, self care, mental time off are all good beginnings.

3. Negative self talk. Are you being kind, good, sweet, loving, and fair with yourself? I guarantee you will never ever finish everything that is on your To Do list. That actually is the point of the list - to remind you of things to do. Have you put yourself on the list?

4. Exercise and movement. Unless you have regular exercise in your schedule and an attention to your body needs, you will gain weight. Age and gravity can feel unkind, but the truth of the matter is that eating less and exercising is the way to stay in good shape. You body loves exercise and movement and will respond with better balance, more flexibility, less aches and pains and quicker response when you want to use it.

5. Relationships. Who do you love and who loves you? Do you know your family well and do you like them? Can you forgive them? How about church, your community, business colleagues, friends? Do you have a good buddy to call? If not, it is time to develop a way of connecting with people so you have a place to be safe, talk, play and grow.

6. Career??? Do you love or even like what you are doing? I think the challenge here is very big and very serious. We are all doing more with less time and our reaction to it is becoming quite negative. We have feelings of being taken advantage of, no choice but to say "yes" to the new project, increased work hours during the week and fear of losing our jobs. I think it is time to take several deep breaths and ask "what is it that I can do in order to make my life more balanced?" rather than being angry or out of control for those who are using your time and maybe in way you don't like.

7. Reaction or response. Reaction is anger and irritation. Response is choice and decision. So are you living in reaction to your life or in response to your living?

Dr. Melissa C. Stoppler (www.stress.about.com) is an expert on stress and health related issues. She states the symptoms of excess stress are: "Manifestations of excess or poorly-managed stress are extremely varied. While many persons report that stress induces headaches, sleep disturbances, feelings of anxiety or tension, anger, or concentration problems, others may complain of depression, lack of interest in food, increased appetite, or any number of other symptoms. In severe situations one can experience overwhelming stress to the point of burnout, with loss of interest in normal activities. Since research has shown that high levels of stress are known to exert a negative influence on our immune systems and other medical conditions, stressed individuals can experience frequent colds or other inflections and illnesses. These symptoms might not be easily recognized as being stress-related."

So what's a person to do about our stressers? We have little time, energy and space in which to run our lives now? Balance is a joke. Time off is not possible. Increased time constraints are the norm.

I've been in business for over 15 years. As a single parent and being self-employed, I was pretty sure I had invented stress and money issues. I created no time, little fun, extra weight, resentment and a pretty successful career. It was not until I actually had serious back spasms that I was able - forced to - take the time to really look at my life.

My back spasms were completely debilitating. I could not do anything for myself. God bless my mom and kids. As I struggled to get well and stand up straight, I started to redesign my life. First I got extremely angry for being unwell. Then I cried cause I hurt so much. Then I got off my resentment horse and got well. I realized how very very lucky I was that I had not permanent damage to my body only to my mind. I now had the opportunity to think and be well. And so do you.

Dr. Stoppler, my other co-authors (my new book: "Give Stress a Rest") and I agree that the following is a very good beginning to recognizing and eliminating the incredible stressers in your life:

1. Realize that managing stress is a process which requires time, evaluation, and possibly re-working and revision. Do not expect instant results and do not blame yourself for setbacks.

2. Identify the major stressers in your life. Think about when and why you feel stressed.

3. Start small in making any changes. Make one or two changes that you can manage and feel good about.

4. Set realistic and attainable goals. Eliminating stress is worth it. Celebrate your progress and remain flexible.

Some areas you might want to be aware of that can be big stressers are:

• skipping meals
• people-pleasing and not taking care of you first
• poor organizational skills
• road rage
• self- medication
• blaming others for your issues
• junk food or food with little or no nutritional value
• the need to win all arguments
• comparing yourself with others
• judging others

Bottom line: I want you to be well.

Stressless behavior equals stressless habits. Stressless habits equal good physical and mental health. No one has to be in debt, be overweight, procrastinate or create chaos in their life. It is our habitual behavior that supports habits that are not working.

Having awareness of your problem habits is almost the cure. Once you become aware that you are creating excess stress in your life, you can make choices on how to deal with it. Action in making choices around new behavior and habits feels great.

Success breeds success. Once you begin to create awareness of any habitual behaviors you don't like and are not working for you, you can change them. Your successes around these changes are repeatable. Pretty soon you are successfully creating your stressless environment based on awareness and what you want.

How do you get started? Deep breath. The first step in awareness is taking a deep sweet breath right where you are. Then take another one. And another. After 3 deep breaths, you shoulders will begin to relax and your body will loosen. This is the place where you start. Being present to who, where and how you are will bring you to the place of awareness and change.

My back spasms have completely gone away. I take very good care of my back with daily stretching to keep me flexible. I meditate each day. I have developed a rich full prayer life. Most everything makes me laugh. I am aware of what I am doing at all times. I work on self-defeating habits daily and sometimes hourly. I've stop blaming others for my fear and failures.

I am a very lucky lady. May I wish you an extraordinary New Year. At the end of this article you will find information on how to email me or fax me for the 15 key Coaching questions that will change your life and your thinking. Just contact me and I will send them to you. I would be honored to help you work toward becoming a very lucky, stressedless (sic) person.

My best to you