Ineffective
vs. Influential
By: Natalie R.
Manor, CEO
Your feelings affect everything
you do When we feel like we are not effective, we also
do not feel powerful or influential.
Periodically I love bringing
you stories about NMA coaching clients and how they
are doing with their approaches to "changing"
what is not working for them. For purposes of telling
her story I will call her "Ginny".
Imagine one of the most
dynamic, strong, confident and influential women you
have ever met and this is Ginny.
She is closing in on 50
years of age and is in the food industry. To clarify,
she is in the "fine dining" level of the food
industry. Ginny has 15 years of experience in dealing
with stars, athletes, news anchors, celebrities from
all lifestyles, and she does it well. She can talk the
small talk and keeps up with the latest news of the
trade.
Ginny’s staff has worked
with her for the full 15 years that she has been with
this fine dining establishment, where she holds the
title of Vice President. Her title should actually be
VP of Everything. Ginny contacted me for coaching because
she felt that she had lost influence with the owner
and that he treated her like a glorified administrative
assistant. She wanted to be clear about her position
within the company and her standing with the owner.
We did a leadership and
communication assessment to gather information and create
a snapshot of her current strengths and talents. The
assessment also gives us information on how she communicates,
motivates, what she values, how she operates, and generally
what is most important to her in how she leads.
We discovered that Ginny
has many strengths and talents. We also discovered that
she has some habits that could be contributing to her
issues with her position in the company and in her relationship
with the restaurant owner.
First of all, Ginny has
little or no tolerance for people who think, speak or
work more slowly than she does. The problem with her
lack of tolerance is that much of the world around her
moves more slowly than she does. The habits that she
developed over the years to deal with each new added
responsibility were to work faster, harder and move
at breakneck speed.
Ginny's speech patterns,
pacing and tone are fast. She speaks at an 800-900 words
per minute with the average speech patterns at 400 words
per minute. She is racing through her conversations
with people - especially the people at work.
Her body language, as she
moves toward people, is like watching a racer come toward
you. She projects an image of fast, big, powerful and
"don't waste my time".
Ginny also brings a high
amount of passion that is interpreted as high emotion
to meetings and conversations.
Here is this very effective
person charging around, appearing to give orders, too
busy to really listen to you, with a conversational
pace of REALLY FAST and totally sure that what she is
doing/speaking is right and all with high emotion.
After six weeks of working
together, Ginny had her influence back. In fact, people
were not sure what changed, but all of her direct reports
commented on it. People asked her if she had lost weight
or changed her hair. Her boss now refers to her as "we"
when speaking in organizational and strategy meetings.
We worked together on the
following:
-
65% - 70% of the world does not
speak, move or gesture like she does
-
People need feedback, not just instructions
-
Passion and emotions are necessary
to make a point, not as a conversational habit
-
Effectiveness comes in many packages and she needs to recognize
that and support it
-
Being right only annoys, being effective
means, you are aware and in rapport with those around
you
Ginny also feels much better.
She is less stressed and less righteous about things
being done her way.
Ginny recognizes now when
she is in her "hard charging" mode and uses
it to create influence rather than people running in
the other direction.
She had to become aware
and practices her awareness on a daily basis. It is
not easy, but it is a simple and powerful shift.
Another result is that
the restaurant owner now seeks Ginny out and asks her
opinion. By creating this powerful shift for herself
through coaching she realized that she has a choice.
She can either be "right" or she can be "effective."
Smart, success-seeking
individuals want to know when they are not effective.
Ginny now knows her habits and chooses influence, confidence
and success each and every time.
How can I be a resource
for you? A great way to begin your own discovery and
increase your awareness is with our Pre-Coaching
Questionnaire. It asks clarifying questions about
where you are now and where you want to be.
Let me help you create
your own powerful shift from being and feeling weak
and ineffective to being and feeling influential. You
do have a choice. I look forward to hearing from you.
© 2001-2009 Natalie Manor & Associates.
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